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SurrealPorcelain
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Name: Brittany Birthday: 5/13/1987 Gender: Female
Interests: 1920's, afi, alternative lifestyles, anne rice, apc, art, astrology, austria, beatles, berlin, bonn, books, ceramics, christina ricci, corsets, crossbreed, crux shadows, cultures, david bowie, deutsch, die geschwister scholl, die weisse rose, dimmu borgir, drums, fashion design, fashion history, flappers, german, god, gowns, heidelberg, history, hole, hot topic, industrial music, johnny depp, journalism, kidney thieves, kmfdm, lace, lip service, munich/munchen, music, nicole blackman, nin, nirvana, no doubt, oomph, orgy, party monster, philosophy, piercings, pierrot, pink floyd, poetry, polytheism, praga khan, psycho fly, radio head, ramnstein, ramones, razed in black, reading, religions, salvador dali, schwarz stein, skinny puppy, smashing pumpkins, surrealism, switzerland, tattoos, the great gatsby, the mind, tool, vienna/wein, white oleander, wumpscut, wwii, long hair, love, malice mizer, marilyn manson, mathew lilliard, max ernst, michael alig, moi dix mois, monotheism, movies, m Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me Website: visit my website AIM: Bchy911 Yahoo: Porcelain_luminera
Member Since:
11/25/2004
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| I'm feeling lost.
And I can't completely explain it. I
haven't been able to dig myself out of this slump for a few days. That
doesn't usually happen.
Everyone else appears to be getting lost as well.
Crap. I haven't updated for awhile b/c, well, I'm too busy.
Nothing is really "wrong". I'm just confused about my life. LOL And where it's going. Pertaining to where I want it to go. Which I'm no longer sure of.
Crap.
LOL
Maybe I need a vacation. If only I could take one.
I fear crashing and burning.
Since I don't completely understand why I feel lost, this is a mess. Possible reasons for feeling lost: 1. Unhappy with my major 2. Unhappy w/ people in my major 3. I miss writing (i don't have the time I once did to do this) 4. Too many changes at once 5. Too many things to think about and NEVER enough time to think about them 6. I have too much on my plate and still want to do more 7. I want a job I can at least semi-enjoy after I graduate. I'm starting to feel there is no way that will happen.
I guess I just need to sort out my head, figure out what I really want to and can do right now. Then do other stuff later.
Some people don't understand why I plan my life so far ahead. If I don't, I get like this. LOL | | |
| I had a dream last night that you had died.
I was in my old home back in Elkhart, on the lake.
You tapped me on my shoulder from inside the tub and said "hey".
That's how I knew it was you; the voice.
I hugged you but you looked so sad.
You eventually told me that you had died before coming home from some trip, before you turned 16. You were 15.
It made no sense in the real world. But it does in others.
It wasn't a dream, but a nightmare. So hard to imagine for me.
It causde me much sadness.
Lately I've been dreaming of you.
You'll never leave my head and you'll always be in my heart.
Forever
I love you. I hope you haven't forgotten.
A long-delayed present will arrive soon to you...
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| * as usual...updates from Livejournal...
March 13th, 2005
04:47 pm: Boo!
This could end up being a long update...since I haven't been doing much w/ updates... First of all, last week I went to Detroit to see Phantom of the Opera on stage! Spectacular show. The actors were wonderful; their voices were magnificent. Pyro technics were pretty good too but i wish they would have done more w/ the crashing chandalier...eh o well...still wonderful play... Before the play we went to the Traffic Jam.Much fun.Great food. Awesome people. Definiately going there when I go to CityClub w/ a certain someone... :) and speaking of a certain someone...had a very nice weekend w/ them...(I feel special again lol) w/ movies, excellent sex (YES!) (oops) and FOOD! Because i need a bigger belly lol. Got pictures back from my last camera...i'll post a few once i scan them in... I'm getting my wings tattooed on my back soon. But i've been told the original entire design will cost me 2,600 bucks. And i don't have that. I can definately get 1,600 which will cover my outline and some more. So i'm going to start w/ that much... Latest movies watched (as of this week): Saw the Grudge the Exorcist (new one) May Saw was excellent. Very great movie w/ awesome plot. I like the idea of the "kidnapper" who causes people to really kill themselves w/ their struggle of "their life in a room". Like a symbolic death. Truly fucked up but makes you think... the Grudge was creepy but funny afterwards. (no goofy voice bitch ...you know who i'm talking too!) really, it didn't deserve much of an update...thought the movie could have been better really... the Exorcist was pretty good but I wasn't like uber impressed. I'd buy the movie but partly b/c it goes w/ the classic Exorcist. Guess it just wasn't quite what i expected...but still great in my book. and May...fucked up movie! But i loved it! Even caused me to think about cutting my special someone's throat and keeping them so i could have their "perfect" body lol but then i thought it wasn't worth it b/c there'd be no blood flow, i like warmth in a body, there'd be no convo, and i'd have a hard time doing all the work when it comes to sex lol. Yep, I said it! lol But the movie was really a great movie. It was creepy in a mind boggoling way...just plain strange in the truest definition of the word...I enjoyed it...o yeah ...have to admit the sexual scenes w/ May and Polly were pretty hot lol a ha ha I know there's more going on but i've already made this long enough...
Current Mood:  busy
Current Music: No Doubt ...Tragic Kingdom CD
March 9th, 2005
01:03 pm: Better Late than Never!
So i should have updated w/ this yesterday but i'm always uber busy so eh i'll do an update QUICKLY now... Yesterday was Gary Numan's Birthday! Happy Birthday to him...he's 47 if any wonder... and Tears for Fears mostly definately played on Regis and Kelly yesterday...lol And that's about all I have to say at this point in time... Back to being busy...
Current Mood:  busy
Current Music: Gary Numan | | |
| * from new LJ account
| Sunday, February 20th, 2005 |
10:35 pm
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Plane at 8:50 back to hell...I'm forced to go back to Indiana tomorrow for another three months... and be too close for comfort to someone who hurts me the most at this point in time... it's all so much easier when you're on the other side of the country...even with the interweb...at least i can't get dumb and be tricked into seeing them... errr i'm irritated... i won't even get into the ignorance of people there...i'll fly off on a tangent... i feel like i can only tell myself "it's just three more months" so many times before the effect wears off... Current Mood: crazyCurrent Music: kompressor | | | |
| * And here's the update!!!
February 20th, 2005
12:21 am: Cheeky Little Monkey
*happy Sigh* This won't be a complete update b/c it's late but i just wanted to give a small one... I'm in Oregon right now at my dad's. Yesterday i went to Oregon State, took a tour of campus and housing, checked out finance crap, apartments AND DUN DUN DUN i'm accepted to Oregon State, Woot! (Go Beavs! a ha ha yep i said it...even sadder...i almost bought a beaver sweatshirt...go ahead and laugh...i'll wear that shit proudly! ) and yes i'm happy. I've also finally had time to actually completely work through thoughts. Something i've literally been neglecting to do. They've piled up like paper work. While here they tumbled out of my brain literally into my paper journal until i had my "paper work" down to minimal size...And i'm feeling ultra better... Better than i have in...well i can't remember feeling this good... I really have a lot to update about... My relationship w/ my dad has grown as well... i'll explain this more later...He's actually started to not just hear me but truly listen and respond...it doesn't just flow in one ear and out the other... And Absence makes the heart grow fonder... and i hate it sometimes... i would like to say more but it's not needed on this subject... I've read a shat ton on my 5 day weekend... half of White Oleander (now not only my fav. movie but book as well) 20 pages in Zombie Survival Guide approx. 9 Billy Corgan poems I've written about 20 pages now in my journal...i'm sure you would all love to read 20 friggin pages of my babble...ha ha even my "best friend" doesn't want too which is ok...b/c the shit is for me! and i've only got to two movies...both today Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban...damn good if i say so myself lol...i think my favorite so far... and Spiderman 2...also good So yeah...that's my short update (and who is scared to see the long one ???) I apologize for spelling errors and grammar...i'm half asleep at this point... and not caring :) I don't want to spend an entire day in airports and airplanes on Monday, nor do i want to go back to Indiana or school or work... But i guess i have too...
Current Mood:  ecstatic
Current Music: Kompressor...made the lil' bro d/l some...hee hee | | |
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